| I swear, I'm falling apart. Matt adores me, and it's no fair, cos I can't help but to hate him for that loyalty.
I'm miserable all the time. No matter how much I smoke, or drink or how many pills I take, I'm always miserable.
It makes sense to me...doing all of this. Going all the way.
I wish people would stop complaining about My messy car, or My messy bedroom. Wish everyone would say what they mean, but to complain about my messy LIFE people would have to adjust to the fact that they haven't been RIGHT for a very long time. |
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| 1. I hate my roommates, and how they always make me feel like I'm inadequate for being the "fucked up, emotional, drug addict"
2. I don't know how I feel about my majors..
3. I let my boyfriend control me, cos it's easier to handle than the pain of losing Chris.
4. I still miss Christopher everyday
5. I really don't like the feeling.
6. I wish I could be more interesting
7. I figured myself out 2 nights ago. |
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| I miss you, love
the true definition of christmas eyes
cigarettes
misery
make believe
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| Maybe it's wrong, sitting here watching my fuck-up, druggie beautiful boyfriend sleep. What is there to say about him, he gave me my first ecstasy pill, the day after my birthday, the night I got my second tattoo. Watching him sleep, I can hardly stand to wake him up, remind him that he's gotta go to work so that I can call Christopher, who never stops telling me how much of a fuck up I am, or taking off my clothes. Watching him sleep, I wanna be wrapped in his arms, never let him leave me, but I've got college next month, I've gotta get serious. "I thought you promised me you were gonna quit using" Christopher says or "I thought you were gonna leave that worthless bastard" and I can't reply "I thought you weren't going to cheat, I thought you promised to love me hell or high water." But that's our relationship, Mine and his, I don't know that I want it anymore.
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